Baby on the Way!

37w 6d - My last bump pic

Bizzy woke me up around 5:30am wanting breakfast so I got out of bed and fed him and then went to use the bathroom and my water broke! I called my OB's office and the doctor on call said since I am not having any contractions we can take our time getting to the hospital. So we got ourselves ready and now we're just hanging out a little bit while I sit on the birthing ball and try to get contractions going. We will head to the hospital shortly and it looks like Baby Liles will be making his grand entrance soon!

37 Weeks and Full Term

37w - After another not so good night of sleep

Today I am 37 weeks - which is technically considered full term so the baby could safely come at any minute now (although hopefully not right this minute since I am writing this at work).  I do hope he waits a another few weeks though since I would really like his birthday to be far enough away from Christmas and New Year's Eve that he doesn't have to share any attention with the holidays.  

Not too much to report today.  I had my weekly OB appointment this morning but they didn't do another cervical check so I don't really know if I have progressed at all from last week.  I did ask the doctor what the c-section rate was for the practice and she said they are very pro-vaginal delivery and would only do a c-section if it was absolutely necessary which I was happy to hear since I have heard about some doctors being very pro c-section and I really hope to avoid having to go that route, if at all possible.  Of course as I have mentioned before when I wrote about induction, if it's medically necessary than I am all for it but it's not something I would want to do just for the sake of speeding things along.

We decided it was probably the best idea not to travel for Christmas this year seeing as how it is possible I could go into labor at anytime so my sister's in laws were nice enough to let us crash all their festivities.  We had a really nice time but it will definitely be great to be able to celebrate in Richmond next year with our little family of three (I am not forgetting about Bizzy - he is usually getting spoiled in Springfield while we are in Richmond for Christmas).

Congrats Graduate!

36w - All dressed up for Jon's graduation

The past few days have been busy with Jon's graduation and related festivities. After 2 and a half years of very hard work, Jon graduated from George Mason on Thursday with his Masters of Public Policy. Even while working full time and dealing with everything we had going on in our lives he managed to take 2 classes a semester and all the while maintaining an excellent GPA. I may be a little biased since I am his wife, but I think he is such a smarty pants and I am so proud of him for getting his masters degree. We had a great few days celebrating with family and friends and I know Jon is really glad to finally be done with school after putting so much time into it for the past 2 and a half years.

Me and the graduate!

In the midst of all the graduation festivities we had two doctor's appointments - my regular OB appointment and a 36w growth scan with the MFM. At the OB appointment we learned that I am currently 1-2 cm dilated, 90% effaced and the baby's head is at a -3 station. That's definitely a good sign that things are progressing so it could be any day now...or it could still be several weeks. The 36w growth scan went well. The baby seems to be enjoying all the food I have been feeding him and they are currently estimating his weight at 7lbs 2oz!! That makes me a little nervous since that means if I carry to 40w he will likely be 9+ lbs! The doctor did say that the measurement can be off+ or - 1lb so it is just an estimate and I shouldn't let it freak me out too much. Although the tech could see on the ultrasound that the baby has chubby cheeks!

On a side note, I bought the dress that I am wearing in my 36w photo for a wedding that we went to back in September. I was about 24w and at the time, I remember thinking I was huge. Ha! Here is a side by side comparison of me in the dress at 24w and then this week at 36w.

The Nursery

After a lot of work this weekend, I am happy to say that the nursery is now 99% done!  I absolutely LOVE how it turned out and I like to just go stand in there and stare in awe.  The room is so much nicer than ours, I may have to move in!

The only things left to do are the following:

-Paint frames for needlepoints that were made by my Great Aunt when my sister was born and have been passed around for all the babies born on my mom's side of the family since.  Hang needlepoints.
-Order pillow from Etsy for glider (think I might do that today).
-Frame a few of the maternity photos and put them and some other knick (nick?) knacks on the shelf above the changing table/dresser.
-Hang a drum shade on the ceiling fan light fixture.  I have the shade, just need to get a piece from Home Depot or Lowe's so I can hang it.
-Put the crib mattress in the crib (the mattress has been ordered, just waiting for it to arrive).

The nice thing is that all the items left to do are pretty minor so if the baby were to decide to come early (although I hope he doesn't!), I wouldn't feel like the nursery wasn't ready.  It feels good to (almost) be able to cross the nursery off my list and move on to the next thing - which is packing my hospital bag and I am planning on starting that this week.

Here are a few pictures (the frames above the crib are a little craft project I did that spell out the baby's name - had to black those out since we are trying to keep the name a surprise):

35w Update

35w

I am 35w today and not much to report.  I had a really nice shower in Richmond this past weekend and once again I was reminded of how lucky I am to have such wonderful family and friends in my life to celebrate with.  Baby Liles is already VERY loved and he also already has a very stylish wardrobe.  I spent a good portion of the day on Sunday putting away and organizing gifts and I think we pretty much have everything we need at this point.  There are just a few more essentials (diapers!) I need to pick up but other than that, we're all set.

We also spent some time on Sunday putting up our Christmas tree and a few other decorations.  It's nice to be able to get in the holiday spirit this year since the past two years I wasn't feeling very joyful.  I miss our babies and I very much wish they were here with us to celebrate, but I also look forward to celebrating next year with our son.

At 35w I am simultaneously excited and terrified.  I am excited to meet our little boy.  We've been trying to have a baby for 2 and a half years now so I am anxious and excited to finally expand our family and hold our baby in my arms.  There were times when it seemed like the day would never come but now with only 5ish weeks left, it is quickly approaching.  At the same time, it is really hitting me that we are having a baby and that is a little scary.  For 6 years now it's just been me, Jon and Bizzy and now everything is about to drastically change.  It's going to be quite an adjustment and I'm sure it won't be easy at first but I know it will be totally worth it and I can't wait to start this next phase of our lives.

Hitting a Wall

34w - Do I look as uncomfortable as I feel?  Also, please note the bandage on my thumb.  I had an apple cutting injury on Wednesday and was pretty convinced my thumb was going to fall off.

So far, I had been feeling pretty good in my third trimester.  Dealing with the normal pregnancy symptoms but nothing that was too unbearable.  Then Monday came, and it was like all of a sudden I hit a wall.  This week has been rough.  I hate to complain knowing what it took to even get to this point and how many millions of women would give anything to be in my shoes right now - but I am SO uncomfortable.  **Warning, prepare for some TMI**  Between the swollen hands and feet, carpel tunnel, backache, heartburn, hot flashes, constipation, hemorrhoids, gas and constant trips to the bathroom to pee every 20 minutes I am not sure how I am going to make it another 6ish weeks.  I am down to one pair of shoes (thank god for my TOMS) that still fit me comfortably and even my maternity jeans are becoming too tight.  We are casual at work, but unfortunately not casual enough that yoga pants would be appropriate which is too bad since those are the only kind of pants that seem to fit me these days.

At the beginning of yoga we always go around the room and tell how many weeks we are and what is bothering us that week.  The other night I said I was 34 weeks and all around uncomfortable and the instructor asked if I'd had my breakdown yet.  According to her, everyone has a breakdown somewhere between 31-35 weeks due to all of a sudden feeling like crap and suddenly realizing that in a very short time you are actually going to have a baby.  I told her I'd had several.  I have cried twice at work this week - both times for situations that definitely didn't warrant tears.  On Tuesday I was making copies and the piece of crap copier jammed and yesterday I knocked over a very large, very full cup of water which then spilled all over my desk.  Both times I had a major meltdown, although luckily both times some really kind coworkers came to my rescue otherwise I really would have lost it.  

If I could just lay on the couch all day, in my yoga pants and a t-shirt, with my feet up and easy access to lots of snacks and a bathroom I would be fine but unfortunately work gets in the way of that fantasy.

~

We had another NST and AFI on Wednesday and everything was still looking good.  I had a regular OB appointment today and the doctor said she doesn't think it's necessary to continue the weekly appointments with the MFM since everything has been normal (what a great word to hear!) with this pregnancy so we are going to discontinue those, although I will go back in to the MFM at 36 weeks for a regular growth scan.  I only gained 1 pound since my last appointment which was pretty exciting to me since I had previously been gaining like 5 pounds every 2 weeks and am currently feeling ginormous.  So things are moving along right on track.

Looking forward to my Richmond shower this weekend!

Nesting and To Do List

This post is really more for me than anyone else since I was feeling the need to see what I've accomplished so far and make a to do list of what's left to get done. While Jon has been in Richmond the past few days I have been in full nesting mode. So far this weekend, I have done the following (in between shopping, eating Thanksgiving leftovers and lots of cuddling with Bizzy):

-Assembled a bouncy seat

-Put away  and organized the majority of my shower gifts

-Finished a craft that will be hung over the crib, on the accent wall

-Framed one of the prints I ordered from Etsy

-Washed and put away all the blankets, burp cloths, bobs, hooded towels and wash cloths

-Sorted all the baby clothes by size (and determined that I need a few more newborn sized items and a lot more 0-3 month sized items) and washed and put away all of the stuff my sister gave me, plus a few of the new things I've received (don't want to wash too much of the new stuff in case I end up needing to return or exchange anything for different sizes)

-Cleared out a drawer in the pantry to use for bibs, and other baby-related feeding items

-Cleared out a shelf in one of the kitchen cabinets to use for bottles

The nursery is done, for the most part. I really just need to do the following:

-Move in the glider, which should be in within the next week

-Get frames for my maternity photos, Etsy prints and the needle points done by my great aunt and hang everything

-Purchase a drum shade, add a little DIY pizzaz and attach it to the ceiling fan light fixture

-Purchase a floor lamp

-Purchase a book shelf

-Purchase a crib mattress

The frames, drum shade and floor lamp will all come from Ikea and I'm going to make Jon stop there on our way back from Richmond next weekend (he doesn't know this yet but I'm sure he will be thrilled since he just loves Ikea) so I will have all those items soon.  My goal was to have the nursery done by the beginning of December so I'm pretty much right on track.

Some other things we need to get done include:

-Put the stroller together

-Install the car seat bases in both our cars

-Pack our hospital bags (I'm thinking this will be done around 36w)

-Put the pack and play together 

It sounds like there's still a lot to do but if I keep nesting at this rate, I'll have it all done in no time!

Finally Feeling Thankful

33w with curly hair and no makeup - not one of my better weekly pics

It's nice to actually be able to enjoy Thanksgiving this year. Thanksgiving used to be one of my favorite holidays but the past two years I just really haven't felt like I had much to be thankful for.  After our first loss in September of 2011 I was feeling a little better by the holidays, but it was still pretty tough. Everyone kept telling me that the next year would be better but it actually ended up being even worse. Our second loss was in November of 2012 so I pretty much boycotted the holidays altogether. After two losses in one year there just didn't seem like there was much to be thankful for or joyful about.

Now, at 33 weeks pregnant with our rainbow baby boy, I am finally feeling thankful. I'm thankful for the healthy baby growing inside me and I'm thankful for my wonderful husband, family and friends for all their love and support that has helped get me through the past two years. It's been a very rough road, but I'm finally feeling like I've gotten back to a good place in my life and I know that the arrival of our baby will only make things better. Although, that's not to say that I don't wish our son and daughter could be here with us this holiday season.

~

We had an MFM appointment on Wednesday where we had an ultrasound, AFI and NST and everything looked great. They did a pretty thorough ultrasound (Baby Liles was being stubborn and covered his face the whole time so we weren't able to get any good pictures) and everything was measuring properly and fluid levels were good. The baby is currently head down (yay - let's hope he stays that way) and weighs approximately 4lbs 14oz and the ultrasound tech said it looks like he has a lot of hair! Next I had an NST where they put two monitors on my belly to monitor the baby's heart and movement. They were also able to monitor contractions and apparently I had a few while we were there but I didn't feel them. The nurse said the baby was very smart and he passed his test and I said he takes after his parents! We talked to the doctor about my OB's recommendation to induce at 39w and she didn't see any reason to do that so right now the plan is just to let me go into labor on my own and the only reason we would induce would be if I went past 40w. So things are continuing to look good!

Feeling Very Loved and Lucky

32w - This is a horrible picture. I was running on very little sleep and was mad at Jon because he had kept me up the night before

I have to apologize for the lateness of this blog entry - it's been a busy few days. I had to work late on Thursday at our annual open house and as soon as I got home we had to head right back out for our third pediatric consult. We really liked the practice. It's actually the same practice as the first consult we had that we really liked, just a different office. We still have one more consult and then we'll make our final decision but it's good to know we have two that we like equally so far.

On Friday I had an OB appointment. We saw a different doctor this time so I asked her why the other doctor would have said he thought I was likely to deliver around 38w and that I would be induced if I hadn't delivered by 39w and she didn't seem to agree with him at all. She seemed to think that since everything has been going well with the pregnancy and the baby appears to be healthy there would be no reason to induce. Although she did say the decision will ultimately be my MFM's and it will be dependent on my weekly Non Stress Test (NST) and Amniotic Fluid Index (AFI), which I start this Tuesday. That was reassuring since I would really prefer not to be induced, unless it's really necessary but it is a little frustrating how two doctors can have such different opinions.

On Saturday I had my first of two baby showers, hosted by my wonderful sister. There were so many cute little touches, from the whale cupcakes to the whale diaper cake and the mason

jar favors with the whale labels. It was the perfect baby shower and I really appreciate all the
hard work and love that she put into it. We got SO much stuff for the baby - he's definitely going to be one spoiled little boy! Initially, I was leery of even having a shower. I think the superstitious side of me was worried that by having a shower we'd jinx everything and something would go wrong with the pregnancy. But ultimately, I am really glad I decided to go for it. This baby deserves to be celebrated and quite frankly, after everything I've been through, I think I deserve a little celebrating too! I was overwhelmed by all the love and congratulations I received from everyone and it was so special to be able to celebrate the upcoming arrival of this baby with all my favorite ladies (a special thank you to my JMU girls who came from far and wide to surprise me - I miss you all already!). It was such a great day and I am really sad it had to end. Luckily, I still have my Richmond shower and more celebrating to look forward to in a few weeks!

Another Angelversary

One year ago today we said goodbye to our little girl.  It's hard to believe that it's been a year already.  After the loss of our son, the next year seemed to drag by so slowly and it took me so long to get pregnant again that it seemed like each month was just a constant reminder of our loss. After the loss of our daughter, I got pregnant again fairly quickly (6 months after the loss but only after 3 months of trying) which gave me a distraction from my sadness (although it created a whole new set of anxieties) and made the following year go by so much more quickly.  Sometimes I feel like maybe I "moved on" (I hate that term because you never really "move on" from the loss of a child) too fast and didn't give her the proper grieving that she deserved, not that I don't think about her every day.

Our two losses were so similar, yet very different.  With a gray area diagnosis, like our son's, there is so much guilt that comes along with the decision because you never really know what could have been.  But with a fatal diagnosis, like our daughter's, it's almost easier (again, a word I hate to use because there is nothing easy about the loss of a child) to make the decision, knowing that the outcome is set in stone.  I think our first loss was also so much more of a shock because we were naive and never thought it could happen to us.  But after going through something like that you have your guard up with each subsequent pregnancy and you know that being pregnant doesn't necessarily equal having a baby so you never really let yourself get too comfortable, or attached.  Nevertheless, both losses were incredibly and equally heartbreaking.

It's tough sometimes because as much as I know we will love this baby, I also know that he wouldn't even be here if it weren't for the loss of his brother and sister.  The past two years have been absolute hell but will it all have been worth it when our rainbow baby boy is safely in our arms?

~

I read a really good article in Still Standing Magazine recently and thought this would be an appropriate day to share.

Updates

31w with curly hair - explanation below

I feel like a lot has happened in the past week and I wanted to use this week's post to update everyone on what's been going on so please excuse me if this entry is all over the place.

Today I am 31w (!!), which technically means I am now in the single digits as far as weeks left in my pregnancy.  However, apparently I have been in the single digits for a few weeks now and just didn't know it until my OB appointment last week. We went in for my normal, bi-weekly appointment where we saw the doctor that I had switched to after my first pregnancy since I am currently rotating through all the doctors in the practice (There are 6 doctors in the practice, I started out seeing one who happened to be on maternity leave during our bad anatomy scan and all the events that followed so I switched to the doctor that helped us out at the time.  He was great, but when I got pregnant the second time I switched back to my original doctor so although he knew everything that's been going on with us, I hadn't seen him in a while).  When he came into the room he actually said that seeing me at 29w pregnant with a healthy baby made his day which I thought was so nice.  Anyways, he said that based on my history I will most likely deliver at 38w and that they wouldn't let me go past 39w.  I was so taken aback at the time that I really didn't think to ask any questions but now I am kind of confused.  I guess I can understand why he thinks I will probably deliver around 38w but I don't get why they would induce at 39w.  I have no problem with an induction if the baby's health is at risk and it's the only way to get him here safely, but if it's not a medical necessity I really would like to avoid an induction and let the baby come on his own, when he is ready.  I have another appointment next week so I will ask some questions then and see if I can get some more info.  Regardless, the fact that I probably have less time that I originally thought I had until the baby gets here is just causing more anxiety since it means I have less time to get everything done.
  
I did mention to the doctor that we hadn't had an ultrasound in quite a while so he got out their ultrasound machine and let us take a peak at the baby which was great.  He also wants me to start doing non-stress tests at 32w just to be safe, rather than waiting until 36w for my next ultrasound like I had originally been told would be the plan.  He's not concerned about there being a problem, I think he just wants to cover all our bases and do everything we can to ensure that this is finally our take home baby.  It's definitely nice to have a doctor who understands my anxiety and paranoia and doesn't just think I'm crazy.

The next issue of importance - the hair.  I think everyone knows that I have naturally curly hair and I hate it. I flat iron it religiously, every day but I was thinking about it the other day and I realized that once the baby is here I am not going to have the time or energy to straighten my hair so I should probably get used to wearing it curly.  I wore it curly to work today and I am feeling very out of my comfort zone, although I have gotten several compliments so I guess that makes me feel a little less hideous.  On top of that, my latest strange pregnancy symptom is that I seem to have developed carpel tunnel and my wrists have been killing me. Using a flat iron really aggravates it so I figured it wouldlnt be a bad idea to give my wrists a break today.

As I mentioned briefly last week, there was a little bit of a debacle with the nursery furniture that has now been straightened out, but it was touch and go for a minute there.  When we ordered the furniture (dresser with changing table topper, crib and crib conversion kit) from Pottery Barn Kids back in September the dresser and crib conversion kit were delivered fairly quickly but we were told the crib was on back order until October 13th.  Well, last week I realized it was well-past October 13th and we hadn't gotten the crib, nor had we heard anything from Pottery Barn so I decided to call customer service.  Imagine my surprise when I was told that the crib had been discontinued and their system didn't show they were going to be getting anymore in to fill the 12 (one of which was mine) outstanding orders.  The next day I called the Tyson's Corner store, which is where we purchased the furniture from, and spoke to a manager who said she was going to do some research and see what she could find out and would get back to me.  Of course I didn't hear anything back from her so I called her the following day, which was a Thursday and she said she wouldn't have anymore information until Monday.  When I called her again on Monday she said the person she was trying to get in touch with wasn't getting back to her and their system was showing that the crib was permanently out of stock so she basically advised me just to return the dresser and conversion kit (after offering two unhelpful solutions - a) I could get the crib in white.  Um, if I wanted the crib in white I would have ordered it in white in the first place. b) They had another style crib that came in the gray finish and she could give it to me at the same price as the crib we originally ordered but I didn't like that crib) since she really couldn't give me any idea of when or if the crib would come in and I wasn't willing to wait any longer.  I then proceeded to rip Pottery Barn Kids a new one, telling her how I thought it was awful customer service that no one ever contacted me to let me know the crib had been discontinued and that they didn't know when or if they would be able to fill my order and that I would never shop at Pottery Barn again and arranged to have everything picked up and a full refund issued.  Then yesterday I got a call from the general manager of the store telling me she would be happy to give me 20% off anything in the store, like that would make up for everything.  I told that I was done with Pottery Barn and no thanks.

Luckily, Restoration Hardware Baby had a similar collection which I ordered as soon as I got done telling Pottery Barn off and I got a phone call the following day to schedule delivery.  All of the items are in stock and will be delivered on Tuesday.  So, the crisis was averted but I was definitely dealing with some unnecessary stress for a little bit there thanks to the atrocious customer service of Pottery Barn.  Please don't ever shop there again and tell everyone you know to do the same.

Lastly, we had our child birth class this past Sunday.  It ended up not being as bad as I thought it would be.  I don't really feel that I learned any new information since I have already been through a delivery once before and I have also been doing a lot of reading about the subject but I think it was a good for Jon since he has not been doing the research that I have been doing. I got a little emotional when they showed a video about child birth but other than that, my anxiety level was much better than I had expected it to be.

Wow, that was quite the update!

The Return of Anxiety

30w - I feel like with each week not only does my belly get bigger, but I also look more and more tired

It's no secret that the first 20 or so weeks of my pregnancy were filled with a lot of anxiety. Once we got past the anatomy scan and found out that the baby was healthy I started to relax a little and around 22ish weeks I actually started to enjoy the pregnancy. It helped that I was also really busy at work getting ready for a conference so I had a good distraction from the anxiety and something else to focus on. Unfortunately, the anxiety seems to have returned in full force this week. 

I think the return of the anxiety has been caused by several things. With the conference behind me, things have slowed down substantially at work so I've been able to switch my focus back to the pregnancy and all the things I have to stress about. We're also having a big debacle with Pottery Barn at the moment and I'm not sure when, or even if, our crib is going to come in which is causing me to have major anxiety about finishing the nursery. But I'll save that story for next week when I should hopefully have some sort of resolution from Pottery Barn.

The main cause of my anxiety has been that as I'm getting further along in my pregnancy and closer and closer to my due date, I've been doing a lot of reading about labor and trying to come up with a birth plan and it's causing a lot of flashbacks to the labor and delivery of our first son. At the time, I was given drugs to help calm me down, but I still remember every moment of our time in the hospital and all the details of that very traumatic experience.  Not only have I been robbed of ever having a normal pregnancy, but I've also been robbed of ever having a normal labor and delivery and I hate that my first experience giving birth was such a traumatic one. I realize that even women who have normal pregnancies probably don't enjoy the actual birthing process but I think for most it's probably not as scary and emotional of an experience as it will be for me. We have our child birth class and hospital tour this weekend and even though we will be in a different hospital, I still anticipate that just being in a labor and delivery unit is going to be very difficult for me and will bring back a lot of memories and sadness.  It's hard to explain (as many of the emotions I've experienced throughout this pregnancy are) but I just know that the birth of this baby will probably be quite difficult for me on a much higher level than just the regular labor pains.

It's also just a tough time for me in general with our daughter's first angelversary coming up next week so that probably isn't helping the anxiety level. We got the diagnosis on November 10th and then said goodbye on the 15th so the following week will probably be extra emotional, on top of the regular pregnany emotional roller coaster that I experience on a daily basis. These anniversaries just never get any easier.

ANTMM

I was going to save this for my Thursday post but I just couldn't wait until then.

Over the weekend Jon and I went to Charlottesville to visit our friends Wendy and Travis and their adorable son Bryant.  Wendy was one of our roommates when we lived in our old house on 4th St S (where all the magic began) and Travis was there often enough that he was pretty much an honorary roommate.  We hadn't seen them in quite a while so it was really nice to catch up and reminisce about the good ole' days.  We had a good time pretending we were 23 again sitting around the fire pit in their backyard late into the night drinking bourbon (Jon and Travis) and stuffing our faces with s'mores (me).  I am pretty proud of myself for managing to stay up until midnight which is definitely the latest I've made it in a very long time.

In addition to being a super smarty pants (currently getting her PhD at UVA), Wendy also happens to be an amazing photographer so we had a little fun playing America's Next Top Maternity Model (ANTMM) around the UVA campus.  Even as a proud JMU alumni, I have no problem saying that UVA has such a beautiful campus (am I supposed to call it grounds or some other sort of fancy word?) and with the leaves changing colors it really was the perfect setting for our photo shoot.  Here is a little sneak peak for everyone.

In true ANTMM style we did a few outfit (which Jon was thrilled about) and scenery changes so there will be many more pictures to come. I haven't seen the rest but judging by these I just know they are all going to be awesome and I can't thank Wendy enough for capturing this special time for us.

29 Weeks

29w and sweaty

As promised, here is my 29w picture. It's not one of my better ones as I was off today (recuperating from the conference - slept for 12 hours last night!) and spent most of the day running errands and even though it's November 1st it was like 500 degrees and I am now hot all the time so I was sweating a lot. That was a really long sentence.

Happy Birthday Bizzy Bone!

Bizzy on the day we brought him home and Bizzy today

Today is Bizzy Bone's 6th birthday. I can't believe he's 6, it seems like just yesterday we were bringing home a tiny, little 8-week old, 3 pound puppy from the breeder. I can still remember the day so clearly. We drove several hours to Frostburg, MD and when we arrived at the breeder's house she let us in and Bizzy and his brother were chasing each other around the living room. She picked him (after somehow managing to catch him), handed him to me and I instantly fell in love.

On the drive home, Bizzy laid on my lap, on a fleece Nationals blanket (which is still in

Newborn baby Bizzy Bone

his crate today) and slept pretty much the whole way. At one point we stopped to get food (at Chick Fil A of course) and when Jon went inside I took Bizzy over to a little grassy area to try and get him to go to the bathroom. When I put him down on the ground he immediately started crying and climbed onto my shoe so I picked him back up and we got back into the car. He managed to make it the whole way home until we got to the light right before you turned into our apartment complex and then he peed on my lap.

Nap Time

Those first few nights were rough. We tried to crate train him but every night when we would put him in his crate for bed he would start crying and it broke my heart to hear. He ended up sleeping in bed with us for the first week or so which meant I got absolutely no sleep because I was so afraid I'd roll over on him in the middle of the night. Even as a puppy he had me in the palm of his hand (paw?).

I really don't know what I would have done without Bizzy these past few years. Whenever I'm sad he comes and sits with me or lays in bed with me and there's something about feeling that little warm, furry body next to me that's just so comforting. But I also feel like after everything we've been through I've become so incredibly paranoid about something happening to Bizzy. We've already lost so much, I don't think I could handle losing him.

Having gotten used to being the center of attention for the past 6 years, I'm sure the baby's arrival is going to be quite an adjustment for Bizzy. I worry  about him feeling left out or thinking we don't love him anymore and it makes me sad to think about him feeling that way. I hope he knows he will always be our furry firstborn and that just because we have a new baby it doesn't mean we love him any less.

Enjoying a birthday pumpkin cookie

29 week picture to come tomorrow. I just got in from San Francisco and after 5 hours on a plane I'm really not in any shape to get in front of a camera right now.

Third Trimester

28w - Looking a little rough after a long, stressful day at work

It's been a busy week at work tying up lots of loose ends for a conference that I fly to San Francisco for tomorrow. This will be my last work trip for a while and my last conference for the year. After this things will slow down at work significantly which means I will have a lot more time to focus on crossing items off my Baby To Do list and I won't have the added stress of planning a conference on top of the stress of planning for the baby.

I've been dealing with pretty bad back pain (which should make this five hour flight to San Fran a ton of fun) for the last two weeks or so. Acuouncture seems to help a little bit and I had a half-hour massage after my acupuncture treatment yesterday that also helped provide some relief. After my trip I will probably make a visit to my chiropractor or try physical therapy and see if either of those help. It's incredibly uncomfortable, but I really hate to complain because I know back pain is a small price to pay for a healthy baby.  

I can't believe I am now in my third trimester. After everything we've been through, I still have a hard time believing sometimes that I've actually made it this far and that in another 12 weeks (or possibly less), Baby Liles will be here. At the beginning of this pregnancy twelve weeks seemed like an eternity but now it feels like no time at all. 

Our Newest Addition

I am pleased to introduce the newest member of our family - Terrance (the Terrain)!

I'm In Love...

27w

...With the nursery paint (and with Handyman Juan)! Today while we were at work, Juan was here

painting the nursery and I couldn't wait for the work day to be over so I could get home and check it out. It came out SO awesome!! I was going to attempt to do the stripes myself this weekend, but then Juan offered to do them so I decided to take him up on his offer so that I could free myself up for one of the other million things I need to get done.

I love the paint colors. I was a little worried the blue would be too dark but I think it looks so good with the white crown molding, baseboards and trim. Also the room gets a lot of light from the bay window so that brightens it up a bit. The blue is Dockside blue and the navy is Naval, both from Sherwin Williams Pottery Barn collection. The white used for the stripes is Cool Gray by Valspar. It looks white, but has a slight gray tone to it.

We still have a ways to go until the room is done but the paint is

definitely a huge step in the right direction. I ordered a rug which will hopefully get here within the next week and I've also been ordering some prints from Etsy so I can start getting stuff up on the walls. I have a fun little DIY project planned for something to hang on the accent wall, above the crib. I think the curtains and crib are supposed to be coming at the end of this month and the glider should be here at the beginning of December. So we're slowly making progress.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

Today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. Please light a candle tonight at 7pm for our angels.

An interesting article about this special day from the NY Times. And another one that seems very relevant today.

26w Bump Picture

As promised, here is my 26w (actually 26w1d) bump picture. Jon woke up early today so I had him take my picture before I left for work and the rain did a number on my hair (although my bangs were being difficult this morning so they were struggling before I even went out in the rain).  I feel like this shirt makes my butt look really big, or maybe it was the munchkins I just ate from Dunkin' Doughnuts that are making my butt look big?

Pediatrician Tours and Closet Doors

I wanted to include crown molding in the title of this post but then it wouldn't have rhymed so nicely.

This past weekend we went on our first pediatrician's office tour. I actually almost ended up canceling the appointment because when I scheduled it I was told a nurse would do the tour and we wouldn't even get to meet with a doctor which I thought was kind of silly but we decided to go after all and I'm really glad we did. Things started out a little rocky when we first got there and the door to the office was locked and there was no one to be found (strike one).  Luckily, I had to go to the bathroom (what's new) and in our effort to find the ladies room we ran into a nurse who must have noticed my bump and put two and two together. She said they don't normally do tours on the first Saturday of the month (strike two - made me question their organization and communication since the receptionist clearly had scheduled me for a tour on the first Saturday of the month) but she would be happy to show us around  (her efforts were quickly redeeming the practice). So she took us into the waiting area and started to go over some information with us when several other couples started to show up. Apparently I wasn't the only one who spoke to that receptionist who didn't seem to know not to schedule tours on the first Saturday of the month. At this point our luck really turned around because the nurse handed the tour over to one of the doctors to lead the tour and info session. So we ended up getting to meet one of the doctors after all and we really liked him (Jon especially liked him because they got to talking baseball). The offices were fairly new and seemed very clean and modern and the practice is only about 5 miles from our house so it's very convenient. And although it wouldn't be a deal breaker if they didn't, they do have privileges at the hospital where I am going to deliver so that's another added bonus. We're going to keep the 4 other pediatric consults that we currently have scheduled but at least I can take comfort in knowing that if none of those seem like a good fit, we've already found a really great option.

Also over the weekend we had a visit from our favorite handyman (who I told Jon I want to

adopt even though he's like a 50 year old man) who spent some time in the house installing closet doors in our room, the office/guest room and the nursery. Among all the other weird things this house had going for it when we bought it, none of the closets had doors and we've just had so many other projects around the house that we haven't gotten around to adding them until now. It's so nice to finally be able to close the doors and not have to see all the clutter going on inside the closet and for some reason, I feel like the doors make the seating area part of our bedroom feel larger. We also had crown molding installed in the nursery and it looks awesome. It's amazing what a big difference crown molding can make in a room.  I think the crisp, white of the molding and the closet doors will look great with the blue-grey walls (I finally decided on a paint color so hopefully our handyman will be able to come back soon and paint the walls).

I am also proud to announce that I finally went back to prenatal yoga. The last time I went there was a substitute teacher because the regular teacher was away on a yoga retreat. I thought the sub was tough but compared to the regular teacher, she took it easy on us. I was so sore on Monday I could barely walk! But I did manage to drag myself back on Wednesday evening and plan to continue to go regularly. I really like the teacher a lot. She is actually a doula so throughout the class she shares tips to help with labor and delivery and also gives us a heads up on certain things we can expect to experience - like last night she told us about the "ring of fire" and the thought of a natural delivery that I'd had for about 5 minutes earlier that evening quickly went out the window. 

I will be back tomorrow with my 26w bump picture, not a huge fan of my hair or outfit today.

Progress

25w - Having a bad hair day

I've gotten a lot accomplished over the past few weeks and it's nice to feel like I'm finally making some progress with Baby Liles preparation (even if there is still a ton of stuff that's left to be done).  So far, we've taken care of the following:

-Removed the old, nasty shelving from the closet in the nursery and primed and painted the inside of the closet.  Also spackled and sanded the hundreds of nail holes that were all over the walls.  A huge thank you to Tim on this one for helping Jon find his inner handyman.  
-Purchased closet doors which will be installed this weekend.
-Ordered all the nursery furniture.  Yesterday the dresser/changing table was delivered and it looks great.
-I did some pediatrician research and based off of recommendations from our OB, family friends and the DC Urban Mom message boards we currently have consults scheduled with 5 different practices.  I know 5 is probably a little excessive but you know me, and that's how I roll.
-Completed the registries, although I'm still adding stuff here and there.

And just because I love a good list, here is the list of what we still have left to do:

-Install the closet organization system in the nursery closet.  I am really excited about this one because just like I love a good list, I also really enjoy a nicely organized closet.
-Make a trip to Blinds to Go to look at our options for some sort of cordless blinds/shades.
-Paint the nursery.  This is a tough one because I am having a really hard time choosing a color.  I have lost count of how many paint samples I've been through at this point.  I want a blue-gray that is not too blue, but not too gray.  And I also don't want it to be too baby-ish looking because I want it to be something he can grow into.  Having the dresser actually helps because I found that some of the lighter colors didn't contrast enough with the furniture.  I'm now leaning towards the color on the bottom right.  I think the furniture will pop nicely against it.  The blue and white stripes are for the accent wall.
-Purchase crown molding and have it installed in the nursery.

-Take down the curtain rods that are currently hung in the room and spackle and sand the nail holes. Then, either re-hang those rods at a higher height, or hang some new rods in preparation for the curtains that have already been ordered.

-Purchase a drum shade and figure out how to add it to the ceiling fan (like this).

-Order a rug, which I already have picked out but has been out of stock for the past month.
-Order breast pump through my insurance company.  I think I can do that starting at 26 weeks so I will have to wait until next week for that one.
-Possibly schedule a 3D ultrasound.  This is not something I was originally planning on doing but then my OB told me my next ultrasound wouldn't be until 36w and I decided that was way to long to wait to see the baby again.
-We're going to look at cars this weekend!  My little two-door Accord has served me well but it's just not going to cut it as a family car.  I have a hard enough time getting Bizzy strapped into his harness in the back seat so I know a car seat would be way more difficult.

-Get my TDAP vaccination and have Jon check to make sure he has had his.

I think once the room gets painted and we can start moving things in and decorating the walls I will feel a little bit better about where we are in the process. Also, having a daycare solution would really be a HUGE weight off my shoulders but I don't anticipate that happening anytime soon.

On a serious note, October is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month.  You can find more info at www.October15th.com.  October 15th, in particular is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.  On that day, everyone is invited to light a candle at 7pm in all time zones, all over the world and keep it burning for at least one hour in order to create a continuous wave of light over the entire world.  

A Few Pictures

Just wanted to share my 24w (actually 24w1d) belly pic -

And a picture of us from the wedding we went to this past weekend -

Remembering...

Angelversary

The necklace I wear every day so that my babies are always close to my heart

This is a tough week for me. Thursday will be our first son's second angelversary. On September 27, 2011 we said goodbye to our baby boy and it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. In the past two years, there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about him and wonder what he would have been like if he were here with us today. I have a lot of regrets about the decision we made and that, unfortunately, is something I will have to live with for the rest of my life.

One of the (many) difficult aspects of prenatal loss is that people often don't associate it with losing a child since they never actually got to see or meet the baby - which makes it difficult for them to understand why this loss has had such a profound impact on our lives or why we haven't just "gotten over it" by now. But this baby was very much our son and losing him is something we will never "get over." I may have only carried him for 19 weeks, but the love we have for him will last forever. 

"Your absence has gone through me like thread through a needle. Everything I do is stitched with its color.” W.S. Merwin

23 Weeks and Daycare Stress

Growing Bump - Weeks 19 Through 23 (Today)

Nothing much to update at this point, I really just wanted to post my 23 week bump picture. I thought it would be fun to post the last few pictures because I feel like my bump has noticeable grown just within the past week. In fact, yesterday Jon told me "you've gotten a lot bigger over the last week." Um, thanks honey.

We went to look at three more daycares this week. We really liked two of them and the third was old and dirty. Of the two we liked, they are both in corporate office buildings so they offer priority to employees of those companies first, then they offer priority to federal employees and then they open up spots to commoners like us. So basically what that means is they both have ridiculous wait lists and we probably have no chance of getting into either. We did get on the wait list for the one that we liked better of the two and because it's a Bright Horizons we were able to select up to two other Bright Horizons locations and also get on the wait lists for those so it was like multiple wait lists for the price of one. We also got on the wait list for the place we looked at a few weeks ago that we liked and that one doesn't seem to be as long. It's a (non-refundable) $150 to get on a wait list so as much as we'd love to go crazy and get on every wait list possible in hopes that something would work out, we just can't afford to do that so we have to be somewhat choosey. We have an appointment at one other place in a few weeks and then I might start looking into nannies, at least as a temporary option until we can get into one of the daycare centers.

Next up will be pediatricians, which will hopefully be much less stressful.