Four Year Anniversary

Our Wedding Day - September 5, 2009

Today is our fourth wedding anniversary. Four years ago today we were saying "I do" surrounded by our family and friends on a beautiful day. It was the perfect wedding. 

Now, four years later, when I think back to that day and how unbelievably happy we were it actually makes me really sad. We had no idea what lay ahead of us and I certainly never would have imagined that in just a few short years our lives would be turned completely upside down. You don't always get married, have a baby and live happily ever after - at least not in our case.  Sometimes, you get married, have a few years of wedded bliss, get pregnant only to have to make a heart breaking choice to say goodbye to your baby, struggle for a year to get pregnant again only to have to make another heart breaking choice to say goodbye to your second baby, then you finally get pregnant with a healthy baby and maybe then you finally get your happily ever after (albeit with an empty place in your heart for your son and daughter for the rest of your life).

We've been through more in our four years of marriage (well, really just the last two) than most people go through in a lifetime together. I'd like to say it brought us closer together, but there were many times where I think we both worried it was going to rip us apart.  I know i haven't been easy to deal with, especially on those days when i just couldn't stop crying or didn't want to get out of bed but as much as Jon may have been hurting too, he was always there to try and pull me out of that dark place.  I honestly don't know what I would have done without him these past two years and I only wish I could have been half as strong for him as he was for me.  

It sounds so cliche but i do feel that if we can make it through the loss of our two babies, we can make it through anything. Here's hoping this next year of marriage brings back some of that happiness that we felt on our wedding day.