Pregnancy So Far

Baby Liles at 15 Weeks

Just to get everyone up to speed, here are the major highlights of this pregnancy so far -

• 5/8: Very faint second line on home pregnancy test.  Pregnancy is confirmed after at least 10 (not even kidding) more pregnancy tests of varying brands and 3 betas at the RE's office.  Due date is 1/16/14.
• 5/23 (6w): First ultrasound at RE's office. We saw the yolk sac, fetal pole and tiny flicker of a heartbeat.
• 5/31 (7w1d): Second ultrasound at RE's office. Nice, strong heartbeat (136 bpm) and everything was measuring right on track.
• 6/11 (8w5d): Ultrasound and consultation with MFM. This was a tough appointment because the last time we'd been in this doctor's office was when we were given the bad news during my last pregnancy. Luckily we had a great ultrasound tech who talked us through everything and helped relieve some of the anxiety.  It was still too early to see much of anything but after my morning sickness suddenly disappearing a few day earlier, just seeing that heartbeat was very reassuring.  Our MFM was also very positive which was comforting. 
• 7/2 (11w4d): NT scan at MFM's office. This has been the most terrifying and anxiety inducing appointment so far because it was at the NT scan that we got the anencephaly diagnosis with our last pregnancy. I was so scared I thought I was going to throw up but as soon as the ultrasound tech started the scan and I saw the baby's nice, round head on the screen I knew we were in the clear (at least for anencephaly) this time around. NT measurement was 1.5mm and that combined with the blood work I had done the week before gave us a less than 1 in 10,000 risk for T13, 18 and 21. The doctor said that based on the appearance of the skull and the circumference, we could safely rule out anencephaly. This appointment was a huge hurdle and getting past it successfully was a big turning point for me (although I knew we still had a long way to go.
• 7/16 (13w5d): Phone call from MFM's office with Verify results. Normal chromosomes and it's a BOY! I definitely cried when the nurse told us we were having a boy. It was a very happy moment, but also kind of bittersweet since our first baby was a boy.  Jon said he had a feeling it was a boy since I had been craving BBQ.
• 7/25 (15w): Growth scan at MFM's office. After ruling out anencephaly, my main concern was the baby's heart and I thought it would be too early to get a good look at the heart at this point so I actually wasn't even that nervous about this scan (kind of nice to go into an ultrasound not feeling terrified for once). The ultrasound tech and the doctor both said that most babies don't scan as well as our baby did at 15w (I guess he's very photogenic, which he must get from me). They were able to get some great pictures and the doctor was really happy with how everything looked. The baby showed off the goods and we got definite confirmation that it's a boy. The heart rate was 150bpm and we were even able to get a good look at the heart and all 4(!!!) chambers. Another huge hurdle behind us and another big step towards feeling excited about this pregnancy.

We obviously still have a long road ahead of us and I unfortunately know that there's still plenty of time for things to go wrong, but for now I'm trying to put the fear and anxiety aside for a little bit and enjoy this pregnancy for the next few weeks. Next big hurdle - anatomy scan, scheduled for 8/22. Keep your fingers crossed...

Third Times the Charm?

A rainbow baby is a baby that is born after a loss. A few weeks ago we saw this rainbow when we were sitting outside for dinner. Hoping it's a sign.

I created this blog several months ago but have been putting off actually writing my first entry until now.  I think maybe I was afraid I would jinx myself.  Like if I started writing things would go bad with this pregnancy and then there'd be this painful reminder out there on the internet of yet another baby that we'd never get to meet.  However, after a really good 15 week growth scan last week I am starting to feel like maybe the third time really will be the charm and so here I am finally writing my first ever blog entry.

If you are reading this blog then you probably know me and most of the sordid details of our journey to have a baby so I won't go into too much detail.  Let's just say it's been a terribly painful, heartbreaking journey that's taken the better part of the past two years.  For most people, a positive pregnancy test equals a baby but for us, it's only meant heartbreak.  At least until now (I hope).

I found out I was pregnant this time around at the beginning of May and so began my ride on the crazy train (as we like to call it in the online baby loss community).  Gone are the days of a blissfully happy (and unaware of all the millions of things that could possibly go wrong) pregnancy that I got to have for 18 weeks the first time around (and that most normal people are lucky enough to have for 40 weeks) and instead it's replaced with a pregnancy spent in constant fear and anxiety just waiting for the doctor to tell you something is wrong. 

With each good test result and ultrasound though I've started to feel a little more secure in this pregnancy and I'm finally letting myself get excited because I'm finally starting to believe that this third time will be the charm and this will be our rainbow baby.