Angelversary

The necklace I wear every day so that my babies are always close to my heart

This is a tough week for me. Thursday will be our first son's second angelversary. On September 27, 2011 we said goodbye to our baby boy and it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. In the past two years, there's not a day that goes by that I don't think about him and wonder what he would have been like if he were here with us today. I have a lot of regrets about the decision we made and that, unfortunately, is something I will have to live with for the rest of my life.

One of the (many) difficult aspects of prenatal loss is that people often don't associate it with losing a child since they never actually got to see or meet the baby - which makes it difficult for them to understand why this loss has had such a profound impact on our lives or why we haven't just "gotten over it" by now. But this baby was very much our son and losing him is something we will never "get over." I may have only carried him for 19 weeks, but the love we have for him will last forever. 

"Your absence has gone through me like thread through a needle. Everything I do is stitched with its color.” W.S. Merwin